Tuesday, 1 October 2013

When I am weak...He delights in me

Motherhood, like the Christian journey, is a process of dying to the old and finding joy in the new.  There is a steady tension there but gradually, the things we struggle with will give way to new traits that we didn't think possible when we started out.

I am 6 1/2 years in with 4 children now and the things that were hard with the first aren't as hard with the fourth, but I still struggle with some things over and over.  For example, I am finally getting up before the kids and getting my shower in, which does help our morning routine go smoother.  However, that impatient, angry outburst side of me keeps rearing it's ugly head, even though I think I should be better than that by now.  The key here, I am realizing, is not trying harder to get better or do better, it is in admitting that I am weak and in need of grace.

I have been trying to figure things out for the past few weeks; my role as a Homemaker, how to best utilize my time, how to be on top of things and feel in control.  After all, this gig should be getting easier as the kids grow up and some are at school sometimes right?  But over the past couple of days I have been bashed over the head reminded in reading, in preaching and in prayer that God is my strength.  When I'm feeling weak, out of control, over thinking things and trying to figure it all out, God says I am strong, I am in control, I have a plan and I want you to lay it all down.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

I know my calling is to be a Homemaker, it is what I have chosen and it works for our family.  I have always wanted to be there for my kids when they are home and a constant in their life.  I love the idea of volunteering at school and making things that I see on Pinterest, just because it's special (not necessary).  However, reality is either more than I can manage or, I even catch myself thinking I'm not doing enough, how can I be more productive?  I feel lost, overwhelmed, and anxious on bad days and found, confident and peaceful on good days.  I'm not sure this will ever go away, but I do know that God is my constant.

God doesn't want us to find a place of comfort and stay there.  He will always find a way to challenge us and grow us, even if it seems like we're just getting good at something or life is nice right now.  "Anything that I felt capable of doing,  God will both make it seem impossible and simultaneously ask me to do it. And there I am – in the sweetest place you can ever be – relying on Him. Walking in faith. Living in joy."  (Excerpt from Rachel Jankovic at Femina).  He will provide for us "...from strength to strength" Psalm 84:7.  I also know that my strength will be renewed and my day laid out more clearly, if I seek God in prayer and Bible reading.  When neglecting, those 2 things how quickly my attitude, actions and relationships spiral out of control.  Again, it has been made clear to me lately that these things should be a priority in my day and God will bless me through them.  They should not be a duty or a chore, but my life-line and desire.

"With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness and your every deed prompted by faith." 2 Thessalonians 1:11

This is my prayer, not that I can fill my day with busy tasks, but that God may bless my desire to do my job well and faithfully, always seeking His guidance and will.  I am trying to take every thought captive, make every emotion accountable, make every action obedient, to the God of grace, to Christ who saves.
It may seem unnatural to admit weakness and to be submissive, but the Lord loves the poor of spirit and the contrite heart, whose only hope is found in Him. 

"Let not the wise boast of their wisdom
    or the strong boast of their strength
    or the rich boast of their riches, 
 but let the one who boasts boast about this:
    that they have the understanding to know me,
that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness,
    justice and righteousness on earth,
    for in these I delight,”
declares the Lord."
                    Jeremiah 9:23 

My only reason, meaning, purpose is to delight in the Lord, because He first delighted in me.  

"He rescued me, because he delighted in me."  Psalm 18:19

With a Bushel and a Peck of Delight,


Linking up with Grace Laced today, with a poignant post about Mom Anger and as always, going back to the Word.