Sunday, 26 May 2013

It's Not About Me

I think I finally get it.  It's not about me!  How humbling that is to say aloud.  And yet so obvious.  I'll also probably forget this simple truth, so that is why I am writing this; mostly to remind myself when I have a bit of a break through.  I have been over-analyzing like crazy lately - What am I doing?  How am I doing it?  What should I be doing?  How do other people do it?  How should I make the most of my days?  What is the best use of my time?  My energy?  My focus?  And then it hit me.  Everything that makes me anxious/stressed/angry/frustrated/spun out is when I get caught up in myself; my self-image, my self-achievement,  my self-fulfillment.

My son taught me something so simple that he learned at school and it is sooo important (why I am so thankful for Christian schooling).  JOY - Jesus, Others, Yourself.  I've been placed HERE, in this time, in this role as a stay-at-home-mom, not to find fulfilment, comfort or sense of accomplishment; but purpose - YES!  My purpose it to love and serve Jesus, Others and then...myself.

I am here to serve God in the most humble way - by raising my kids and taking care of my family.  Anything that distracts from that is NOT NECESSARY.  Distractions, extra to-do's and projects, high expectations and standards make me a CRAZY Mommy.  I want to raise my kids to be calm, loving, compassionate, kind, patient, self-controlled - love Jesus - content, thankful.  I can only teach them by showing them; by living it.  I need to put my desires for accomplishment aside - lay down my life as it were - and be the person I want my kids to be; I can expect no more from them.

I find it very hard to prioritize with so many things demanding my time, many of which seem like good things to do.  But it's when something that doesn't matter in the scheme of things makes me obsessive, I get impatient and angry.  I hate that.  I want to change, I truly do.  I NEED God's grace - only by the Holy Spirit can I hope to do better.  I need to stop trying to do it all, adding projects to the list and slow down.  I have been saved by the work that Jesus did on the cross - I can not add to the work that has been finished.  I can only live my life in service and gratitude to Him. 

I think stay-at-home-mom's can easily fall into a trap of being narrowly focused.  This isn't necessarily being selfish, because we are always giving of ourselves, but we don't always see the bigger picture and the outside world.  We associate with our little people and others in the same stage of life.  I want to be more aware of the needs of others and live to serve others - visiting friends; especially those struggling, visiting the elderly, give with what I've been blessed with.  I will be blessed and provided with all I need and more if I let go of my worldly desires and seek first the Kingdom of God.
Others includes my family.  My kids won't remember a clean or decorated house (although it does make life enjoyable).  But they will remember the time I was present and active in their lives, making memories, seeing and responding to their needs, laughing and enjoying these crazy kids days. 

Another thing I need to realize is that I've been given abilities and limitations.  I am an achiever by nature (oldest child), but I have to accept that I can not do it all and I do not have the same gifts as others.  This is humbling, because there are abilities that I really admire, but it would also just add to the list of distractions if I was to pursue something else.  My body physically tells me when I've over done it - but I rarely listen.  I need to start listening and put myself as a priority in that I care for my physical, mental and spiritual health so that I can continue to give of myself. 

I don't know what the future holds, but I pray that I will serve God in this time by being obedient and faithful to my calling.  This is not succumbing, it is so freeing!

I'll just share this song that speaks directly in to what I'm talking about...

Take my life, and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee;
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in ceaseless praise,
Let them flow in ceaseless praise.

Take my hands, and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love;
Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee,
Swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing
Always, only, for my King;
Take my lips, and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee,
Filled with messages from Thee.

Take my silver and my gold;
Not a mite would I withhold;
Take my intellect, and use
Every power as Thou shalt choose,
Every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will, and make it Thine;
It shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart; it is Thine own;
It shall be Thy royal throne,
It shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love; my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure-store.
Take myself, and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee,
Ever, only, all for Thee.

With a Barrel and a Heap of Joy,

You must check out Grace Laced - I was so excited to find this blog - she has a lot of applicable wisdom that speaks in to my life right now and was this inspiration for this post.

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